This last few days online have been awful for anyone with a heart in the tech world, from Linus Torvalds continuing to be a bully and pshaw the need for diversity to outpourings of rage over this to the backlash against that rage, including doxxing people, to finally, the revelation that Shanley Kane, the CEO of Model View Culture and a vocal feminist in technology used to date the most vile troll on the Internet, weev, and quite possibly shared his racist views at one point.

(My apologies for not linking most of that above. I can’t find links that point to sources I feel comfortable giving traffic to. I dislike it when people reference events without links or explanation, so my apologies again.)

Here’s why I stand with Shanley and with any marginalized person, no matter how they make their point: I am incapable of coming from their angle. I consider myself a feminist. I know it is problematic for many women when a man calls himself that. I think part of the reason why is this:

When I fight for diversity as a white, cisgendered, straight man, I am fighting for my values. When a marginalized person is fighting, they are fighting for their very life.

Women in technology (and everywhere) are fighting so they can be safe, so they can not be raped or murdered, so they can make a living wage. I don’t have to worry about those things, so all I can fight for are my values.

I totally understand anyone who looks at Shanley’s Twitter feed and recoils. I recoil. It’s hard to watch. I definitely understand someone who hears that she allegedly held racist views and is repulsed. I’m repulsed by those views. But I can’t judge and can only support, because I can and will never understand what it’s like to be constantly threatened.

To other men who say that people like Shanley would be taken more seriously with a different tone: first, read Model View Culture. She doesn’t always have that tone. But second and more importantly, that is your job, bro. Yes, there are people who won’t listen unless you speak to them nicely. You might be one of them. Since you aren’t threatened daily, you get to be the person who speaks up in a polite tone and helps.

That was all sort of disjointed. Anyway, my distilled thoughts: as a male feminist, it’s my job to listen well no matter what the tone and speak up to other men who aren’t yet ready to listen.